Tuesday, June 22, 2004


Sometimes I become overwhelmed, and I have to take a break from everything non-essential, just to get back to merely feeling "whelmed". When I mentally tally up the things going on, it's not such an impressively good, bad or evil list, but just enough pressure to make me need to back off for a bit. Hence my absence here for a while.

The very worst of it was that a really good friend of mine was diagnosed with colon cancer, a type that is particularly aggressive and difficult to treat. After the one-two punch of J's prostate cancer last year, followed quickly by his mother's several surgeries and his stress over all of it, I felt a bit like the rug was pulled out from under me when she told me. No, not Deb. This can't be right. She's had enough trials and tribulations, it's not fair. Lord, can't you give that brainless waste of air Paris Hilton cancer, and spare Deb? No, I don't really wish cancer on anyone, but you know what I mean. I'm distressed that my friend is suddenly talking in terms of percentage rates of survival in five years.

After her news, my current gynecological issues seem trivial and not even worth mentioning. I've had a couple minor health issues crop up or intensify over the past two months, but really, how can I complain in light of what Deb is going through? She is being so brave and just marching ahead with whatever she has to do, be it go to work, go to get chemo every other week, or deal with her husband, who, by the way, was diagnosed with MS the same week she was diagnosed with cancer. What a fucking week, huh?

But this girl is amazing, and has such a good attitude. I don't think I'm capable of the same, were I in her shoes. She's a glass half-full kind of pragmatic, and her grace throughout this episode has raised her even higher in my esteem than it was before. All I can do is try my best to support her any way she wants, and try not to think about the percentages WebMD gives for survival for this type of cancer. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about losing my friend.

Besides Deb's horrible news, and my own comparably minor health crap, my lack of attention to basic housekeeping issues seemed to all come to a head recently, both in terms of actual housework and chores at home, as well as things at work kept on the back-burner until they started to boil over for attention. I'm ashamed of how much of a mess my "junk" room has become over the past two years. It is unbelievable. I took time off of work just to wade through old boxes, paperwork, you name it, and the result was to get to the end of the week with the mess having spilled over into the living room. What a slog it was - reading old letters and mail that got tucked away to read "sometime", sorting old bills, cards, and memorabilia, figuring out what to shred and what to file - it all took ages and sapped my energy.

Well, enough hashing over the past month, and time to get back into the never ending pile of chores. Several times I've wished that I could clone myself and have more than me tackle the list. Today I simply wish one of them would handle my cramps, so I could concentrate on more important things.

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